...Relationship before Marriage...

A healthy, loving relationship can enhance many aspects of your life, from your emotional 
and mental well-being to your physical health and overall happiness. 

The time before you marry is the most important time in determining how your marriage will sustain the ups and downs of life. Improving communication and understanding one another’s needs are more important than the flowers and wedding cake.

Relationships take work. Relationships grow with honesty and authenticity. If you feel you have something to hide

from the past that is not good and most likely, should be shared in order for complete openness in the relationship. If you hide the past that will become a pattern for the future.  It will only destroy your relationship. Openness about the past will develop your trust, love and forgiveness. If your partner is willing to accept you and your past, acceptance will play a role in the future. Let us discuss some important issues and topics before marriage.

What issues and topics do you want to cover in this stage of your relationship?

1. Communication: What kind of communication is needed for a healthy intimate marriage?  Here are some healthy characteristics for great communication: open, honest, ability to admit it when we’re wrong or have done something to hurt the other.   Communication that is tactful, loving, gracious and listens.  Do each of you have the ability to speak the truth in love?
2. Roles and expectations:  Who will do what once you are married? Who will be responsible for various tasks? Will you both work outside the home?
3. Commitment: what does that mean to you for a marriage relationship? Are both you you ready to commit to this for life?
4. Anger and conflict management: How do the two of you handle anger and conflict?  What is your style? Have you worked through issues of power and control? Are you able to problem-solve and work through conflict? Learning skills in these areas will not only enhance your relationship together but, help you manage conflict with others.
5. In-laws: this is a big issue. If one of you has a very dysfunctional family – they could interfere with your relationship. Working on this area is important.  You may need boundaries that help you spend time with both families without putting your relationship at risk.
6. Goals for marriage: Are you planning to have children?  Do you both agree on this as a goal in the future? What else do you want in your marriage?
7. Finances: How do you manage money individually?  Do you have similar or very different spending patterns and goals? Is one more concerned about a budget and one more concerned with how to spend money?

As you can see there are a lot of issues to talk about and explore. But, working on these issues can draw you closer and help you discover whether there are some differences which can’t be worked out.

Love is blind, and part of the reason fifty percent of couples end up divorced is that they took little care to work on the main issues between them prior to marriage. We are all guilty of thinking negative qualities about our partner will change after marriage. False expectations are predictors for marriage failure. Before you say I do make sure you are able to communicate well with your partner over the toughest issues, which are conflict, sex and money. Situations change, but behaviors remain consistent. Marriage requires work and work is easier if you understand the issues and face them honestly.